Sight, smell and scam of a nite market (WARNING: Really Long)

This nite was like any other nite except that it was my 1st time going to the Cheras famous nite market, known for its good food and long illegal parkings lining the entire market.

Upon entering the market, it really lives up to its own version of malaysia identity. Everywhere vehicles trying to cut each other but end up been cut again. An amazing feat was for every 1 car exiting the nite market, there would be 3 cars entering, but still manage to find somewhere to park. I bet no country can find such an effective parking system. Anyway, it is also worth mentioning that malaysia is the only country where people rather ram into cars than vice versa. Seems like many have the belief that they possess bodies of steel that can break through a car and have long-sightness that they can never see a car in front of them.

Anyway, the highlights for the nite was for just RM11.40, my taste bud was fully provoked or in reality i just stuff everything into my mouth. I manage to have 2 pieces of (large) pandan cake, 4 nyonya balls, 3 crispy nugget, 1 slice of chinese pizza, 2 crispy prawn balls, 3 vegetable tofu, 2 drinks, and 1 'chou' tofu aka smelly chinese-version of half-rotten, decomposing starch cubes fried with oil, which u can smell at specific spot in the nite market or ur own breath. The tofu actually taste smelly and its properties i believe is similar to the durian, which is some people enjoy and some people rather eat their vomit.

Another quite interesting experience was that if KL was the capital of Malaysia, Cheras nite market is the scam district of Selangor. Think of me as innocent or too daft but i never really encountered any scam until that fateful day, unless u count the occasional fake Digi sms of u winning Rm 10,000 and stuff. It seems like the God of Scam suddenly visit me and people related to me. I bet u guys heard above the scam where an housewife received a phone call telling that her child is been kidnap and a ransom needed. During that episode, the housewife would heard cries of a child (supposedly her's if she likes) pleading for help over the phone call. My mum and some of her friends got the call, and one of them was worried enough to have paid over Rm 10,000 to the scammer. Kinda feel sorry for her though.

In the nite market alone, i manage to meet 10 kinds of scammers and with extraordinary abilities and performing feats which no human have ever done before. One was supposedly a poor bed-draggled BLIND women squatting on the ground, begging for money. I think a miracle happened in that when i pass by her, i saw her open her eyes to pocket the donated money and then suddenly becomes blind again. Another few ordinary obvious scammers was an lady holding a blind child, where anyone would want to donate until u saw a cardboard written that her child was blind, in english AND chinese translation AND in perfect handwritting AND perfect layout.

The stupid one was a guy lying on the floor selling stuff with AGAIN a cardboard stating that: " If u buy one toy, he won't be fined by the police" ( i have no comments). After a while, u will see the same guy crawling in the middle of the road, towards a restaurant. Sometimes, a scammer can be smart and stupid at the same instant. The scammer was an ordinary old lady, sitting on a wheel chair, and using her metalloid cover armoured-bandage right feet, trying to ram straight middle through crowds, hopefully to earn a few bucks and get to the other side of the nite market to pee or something. Efficient.

There was an occasional few 3-4 lazy DISABLE scammer suddenly appearing at hotspots and disappeared again at the other side of the nite market in just less than 10 mins. One was smart enough to con people into buying a RM 10 jumping doll that actually jumps. The funny thing is one of his hands was hidden behind a bag, with almost invincible strings attached to the doll and actually making it jump.

With lion-dance background music and spot-light, standing there was another guy claiming that he has some super potent medicine. So as a pharmacist in training (i like to emphasize that), i decide to train my ability of detecting fake medicine. First the guy ask a volunteer, but then a teenager (co-scammer or probably his son) stand out to test the guy(scammer) claims. After a long lecture in some dialect which seem like gibberish to me, they start the demo. The guy ask the boy to hold a metal tube, with both his hand straight behind his back. The guy then do some Ku-Fu, then poke the back of the boy, and then swing the boy's arm 270 degree to the front. The guy then ask the boy repeat the swinging back and front with both arms holding the metal tube. Actually it seems pretty gross to me but i believe it is authentic (the boy probably trained in the hidden art of swing-arms 360 degree).

And then after another gibberish lecture on that his super medicine actually heals pain and strengthen the mind and body, he spray the medicine onto a dry clump of grass. The grass
started to move and unclump (obviously it absorb the water) and then the guy claim that the medicine actually revived the grass. I can't believe anyone would believe that unless they are 3 yrs old or mentally challenged. Later his assistant show us some old, crumpled newspaper in a plastic bag (probably been doctored alredy) and ask that a question: " If anyone would have this medicine, would u want to use it?" And then he pointed his mike at a 10yr old child( probably the scammer 2nd son, as i can see the resemblance) and the child say "YES!" in some dialect. The scammer then quote the price of RM25 per bottle, with buy 2 free 1 package. He even claim that if you drink the medicine once, u will be cured of all shoulder, head, stomach and probably heartache. SO i conclude that if i drink everyday, i will become superman already.

He started to redemo the arm swinging thing again, but the i already can't take it. Actually there was another scammer nearby who seemed to be doing some black magic on a white terrier. The dog seemed to shake very violent and the scammer's aides have to hold down the dog. Too bad i was alredy sick of looking at any other scams.

I proposed to petition to the Visit Malayisia Tourism board that they should have a theme of :

Malaysia, truly a land of scammers. This include a package of visiting a notorious scam district and getting the chance of been scam unwittingly. Get to know all about the thriving scamming business that contribute millions to the economy and be a victim of that success story. Copyrights CDs, fake fashions and branded goods, food that have special plastic nutritional bonus and phone call scams are all part of the trip schedule. Learn all above cutting cars, parking efficiently and stealing all hotels amenities as souvenirs before going back to your country. Malaysia, trully Asia.......


I am pretty sure this proposal will be an instant hit.




" It doesn't make sense at all"
If any of the blog contents have made you feel insulted or think it is too stupid, i apologize first and foremost

A Nonsense Conspiracy

A Nonsense Conspiracy

The stanza was about to start as i thought it was about to. After seamless days staring at black and white papers, i m alredy half-way in my dream to become a hardisc, well atleast a faulty but still functional recorder that can only hold window 98 version of word documents. I wasn't a bit worry that i was crapping the opposite way but then hey, who would care about that when you have quarantine urself in a small, tiny cubicle with a table full of black and white docement and have been feeding one piece of bread for every document analysed.

Then suddenly a remiscence of a previous long forgotten nite came back in flash, like vision appearing that foretell something you have obviously missed. The nite was young when i remember that was the last time i was still young and still possess a human mind. I meet someone particularly at a place that was far, far away but actually next door, and the place was called the cafeteria or SA.

An immediate thought of exotically fragrant roti canai smell that never seem to be lacking and always give your clothes a smell that is hard to forget or wash away. The thought propelled me to another fact that my nestle chicken rice always lack cucumbers, which may an indication the cook don't like me or prejudice in a sense. I was on a business trip of considering whether the nestle chicken rice was a financially viable option or the economy rice which is something economical but then sometimes not. But in the end, i chose economy rice which sounds nicer but then i got rip off again which reminds me of being rip off all the time by the 'economic' rice guy.

Anyway, on my journey to the fly-infested nest called the 'table' in cafeterian terms,i managed to isolate myself at the edge of a long table which seems to be out of sight of the flies. Munching, grinding and perhaps half-choking, i manage to mechanically digest the food before it went into my stomach and stuck there as usual, needing a plumber to occasionally check the system. Such are the fates of the SA regurlars.

During my losing-appetite meal, i discover there were two familiar faces who were facing the same fate as me, munching the doctor-won't-recommended dishes. They were chatting happily, perhaps ignorant of the ill-karma that circles around us: the flies. An omen, perhaps as bad or even worsen than the cicada crisis was about to befoul me. Dismissing such concern, i concerntrate into the surround noise that seems to besiege me from all angles.

As i delve into their seemingly normal conversation, i manage to catch some glimpse of words, words that seem to imply somethings. Three word caught my attention were medicine, stress and insufficient time. All of them pointed to one obvious conclusion; too much medicine is stressful and use up a lot off ur time. That can only mean one thing: Pharmacy. 

My mind reel from this suddenly shocking revelation, and a burst of information stream out in forms of images as my subconscious try to comprehend the scale of this conspiracy. Bridges and connection were made between vague pieces of memory. Relationship were form and the random facts were starting to make sense. 

Now it makes almost perfect sense. Then it dawn to be i was too late. 

From the second we set our foot beyond the gates of nottingham, we are already ensnare in a contigency of masterminds-lay plan. First the interview to lessen suspicion, then the letter of offer to remove doubts. The orietation was perfectly coordinate to exhaust further growing thoughts. Over the semester, combination of stress, excessive lectures and exhaustive lab reports were dosed on student to weaken mind resistant and make them more susceptible to suggestion. Finally the last straw was self-study exams to complete the finishing move of the evil plan of controlling the feeble minds of the exams-obsessed and make them bow to their will.

But then i was too late. But even so i have to stop them. But then i realised i was too late to save myself. I was alredy deep within their trap that i had no way out. I was going to the toilet...

Inspired by Pre Exam Traumatic Stress Syndrome PETSS

" It doesn't make sense at all"

If any of the blog contents have made you feel insulted or think it is too stupid, i apologize first and foremost